Where does happiness come from? Is happiness that same thing as satisfaction? Is happiness the same thing as joy? Is happiness the same thing as pleasure? Is it something that is measured in the moment or is it a state that exists over a period of time? I think it is more often than not the former. Dictionary.com defines happy as delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing. Happiness seems to more a state of mind in a singular moment relative to one or a group of things or events. This is important I think because everyone has moments where they are not happy. This does not mean they are depressed, unsatisfied, or mentally not in a good place. They are just reacting to whatever condition they are in at that particular moment.
I would not say that I am never happy. There are many days and many moments where I truly am happy. I guess that is a good sign that I am not too far gone right? I think maybe there comes a point where someone is just so depressed, so anxious, so fearful that they find it hard to experience happiness. I definitely think that the way I have become has limited my happiness. There I times that I just know I should be ecstatic but I just don’t feel it. I have so much to be grateful for. I have a job. I have a family that loves me(at least I think they do). I have a God that loves me. As far as material things go, I have everything I could possibly need and most of the things I could possibly want. So why am I not satisfied? Why can I not be content with the way things are? It does not make much sense does it? It is not that I hate my family. It is not that I hate my life. I would love to say that I do not hate my job but that would at least be a little bit of a lie. I think I simply hate mepte. That is what I am not satisfied with. I just don’t 100% understand why. I am sure that at some point someone is going to read this and say “Get over it. Stop being a whiny little B!tch.”. And they would be right I guess. I think that is the worst part. I do not always feel like my feelings are justified. I don’t always feel like I have the right to feel this way. Believe me when I say if I could turn the switch and be different I would. I just don’t understand.