I cannot remember if I mentioned this before, but I am actually supposed to be posting every day. Well, actually my therapist stated that I should not pressure myself to do it every day because that would just be one more thing for me to be hard on myself about if I fail to do it. That being said, I need to have some sort of consistent evidence that I am putting in the work that I need to to make things better for myself. For that reason, I am going to put into writing some of my current objectives. First of all is what I would consider my primary objective, to learn to control my anxiety and other negative emotions instead of letting them control me. The other objectives are all really just stepping stones to get to that primary objective. I need to at least take a minor adventure into the past to try to determine how different events may or may not have impacted the not awesome side of who I am. I also am going to have to learn the daily changes I need to make to make meaningful changes to how I see my life, myself, and the people around me. Now that I have put those over arching objectives into writing, I guess it only makes sense that I loosely explain the current game plan on how I will get there. I have met with my support person three times time. Actually it might be four. I am not completely sure. As a result of our previous discussions, we have determined that one thing that would help would be for me to use my website as a place to put my thought in writing. The proverbial pen to paper. I do not necessarily need to have a specific topic to write about, I just write about whatever comes to mind. I think I would really like to say that I will try to at least post four times a week. If anyone ever does read this, I may have mentioned some of this in a previous post. If so I apologize for repeating myself. Another thing that my support person suggested was that I once again try to pick up and hopefully learn to play my viola. This would serve two purposes. One, it would allow the viola to serve the purpose it was originally purchased for, a way to express myself. The other, it would be a functional attempt at conquering the fear of failure and the fear of not being good something. The other functional thing I have been advised to do is to learn to do some basic meditation. I do not think that means what most people probably thing it means. It would simply be an exercise in learning to tune out the noise and allow my thoughts to flow and be observed in a more controlled manner. I guess that would be it. Those are my current objectives and the current road map. I have some thoughts on some other things I hope we do but we will cross those bridges when we get there. Until then, I will keep running the race.
