A couple of weeks ago something wonderful happened. I woke up and just out of the blue, I heard my calling again. A calling can be a very scary thing. I do not think that God ever calls us to something easy. I am pretty sure that it will always be amazing though.
Anyway, starting several years ago, clear back in high school, I started feeling very burdened for my friends. I could feel that almost everyone was hurting in some for or another. Most had smiles on their faces. If you would ask them how they are, most would say they are doing great or doing fine. I knew from experience that life was hard. School was hard. Being social was hard, even for someone that was very sociable. At the same time I was attending youth group at Buckhannon CMA church. I loved going there. Unlike school, I felt pretty comfortable there. Just like school there were those that were mean to me. There were some who made things very tough for me. Fortunately there were a few people there who I could call true friends.
Somewhere during that time, a man named Phil told me that I was going to do great things. I didn’t understand what he was saying, even as a teenager. We thing when we are teens that we are wise but we are not. We have only just begun to learn what the world was about. I think maybe though that Phil saw something in my heart that at that time I did not realize was there. A love and heart for people.
I cannot remember the year, the day or the moment but at some point I believe God started pulling at me to be more than just a member of society that goes through life, contributing what I can, taking what lumps I have to. I did not learn until many years ago but God puts the strongest desires of your heart there for a reason and he never wants those desires and the talents that compliment them to go to waste. In fact, He has put them there for a specific purpose. A specific calling.
It was many years after high school, sometime after my oldest son Wesley was born. I met a lovely young lady named Karen who was a leader in Young Life. It was in talking to her about what Young Life was about that I started to feel the pull again. God wanted me to use my life, my experience, and my heart to help people who have and are going through similar things as I went through. Unfortunately, I did not feel like I was qualified to guide or counsel kids, teens, or young adults. My life was a mess in a lot of ways and I had failed in so many ways to be the person God wanted to be. I tried to help with the CMA youth group but really, I was not ready.
Tenish or so years later Wesley began to be part of the youth group at the new church my wife Megan and I were attending. He had a pretty good youth leader. He was not there very long however. After he left, someone else stepped up. Then they left and someone else stepped up. Then they left, and someone else stepped up. By that point the youth group had whittled down to next to nothing and more often than not, Wesley was the only one that went.
Through it all, I had several people poke at me asking if maybe I would like to be involved. God to was reminding me that they were my calling. Again however, I did not feel I was in a good place to be teaching or leading kids.
Things changed a couple of weeks ago. When I woke up that day I had the spontaneous desire to pray to and praise God. He immediately began to remind me of my calling and unlike all the times before, I immediately began to accept it. This was so strange to me. Even as it happened I did not know why that was the time.
To be clear, I am not going to suddenly become a youth leader tomorrow. I do not know exactly if that is even the path that God will eventually take me down. What happened that day was that I finally told God I was ready to start walking the path in that direction. I have some very important things in my life that I do in fact need to fix before I believe God will be able to fully use me. Do I have to be perfect? Thank God that is not the case. I am so far from perfect that if it were not for Christ blood I would surely be thrown into the deepest levels of Hell with the gravest of sinners. But I can get better. I will work towards what God has for me. I am not sure exactly what that will be, but I know more than I knew before and I cannot wait to find out what’s next.