One of the things I have been thinking about lately is what do I need to do to be my best self. What does it even mean to be my best self? Who gets to decide what the standards are for being my best self? It is and always has been my belief that God wants more for me than I could ever want for myself. In the end, it is He that knows what my best self looks like. He is not dismissive however of the desires of our heart and of our individual character and strengths. In fact, I would venture to guess that they are almost one and the same if we could see it all clearly. I know what I love to do. I know what brings me joy. I know some details of what my best self would look like. I would even venture to say that I know some of the things that would need to be done to get me there. So why then is it so hard to get there? Why then does it seem so I am the biggest barrier to meeting my goals? It is a strange thing really. One example would be my physical condition. I would not dare imply that physical appearance or physical strength should be a standard by which someone’s happiness and success is determined. Acknowledging that being able to excel at things like the obstacle course races, street races, trails races, and the like, it is impossible to separate those things from the fact that physical strength and physical health are necessary to do well in these things and with minimal injury. I do not consider my desire to be fit in fact and fit in appearance to be a vain thing. It is just very hard to have B without first having A. Way too often I choose to spend my time eating. Way too often I stop the work I need to do to get there because it is hard. Shouldn’t my effort be a reflection of my desires? In so many ways I am weak. It is not just the physical weakness that bothers me. It is more the mental weakness that manifests itself in a weak willpower to do what is right. This is just one of the things I must improve on. I find in myself a renewed drive to work towards being the person I am meant to be. Can I be the husband that I should be? Can I be the father that I should be? Can I be the Christian that I should be? Can I do the things necessary to be able to continue to do the things that bring me pleasure? I want to say yes. I really do. The past however is an endless chain of evidence that I may be too weak to do it. I end many of these posts with some reference to the fact that I will keep running the race. That is the one thing I can guarantee. I will not give up. I will keep running. I will become the best that I can be. That or I will die trying.
